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This period represents a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {